I Just Can't
by Emily Colfer-Criss
Summary: "Howard wondered what on earth could have possibly caused his friend this much pain." Howard finds a hysterical Vince in his room, crying his eyes out. What happened?
1. Chapter 1

Howard had only seen Vince cry three times in his life.

The first time was when he had come down with appendicitis and was in unbearable pain.

The second time was when he had a nightmare about Jagger dying.

And the third time was when he thought Bollo had died. Though that had only lasted for a second and he'd never admit that to the ape himself.

Vince didn't cry when he hurt himself or was just generally feeling sad. He listening to The Stones or put on a poncho and felt much better. However, one night, Vince came home from seeing his friends looking a little worse for wear. He didn't smile or greet Howard, just trailed straight upstairs.

"You alright, little man?" the maverick called after his friend.

"Tired," Vince replied shortly, before slamming his bedroom door shut.

Howard half expected him to soon return downstairs in one of his many ponchos, smiling and laughing. He waited for around half an hour, but the shop stayed eerily silent. Eventually the tall man sighed, locked the shop (he'd shut it hours ago) and cautiously crept upstairs, hoping to hear what Vince was doing, if anything.

As Howard reached Vince's room, he could hear muffled sounds slowly becoming louder. They sounded like... Sobs.

No, not possible. Vince _never_ cried. He must be mistaken.

Nevertheless, Howard knocked on the door.

"Vince? You okay in there?"

Howard could have sworn he heard a strangled sound, then back to muffled hopefully-not-sobs.

Okay, now he was worried.

"Vince, I'm coming in, okay?" the tall man warned, before slowly turning the door handle and stepping into the room. Oh.

Vince was lying on his bed, face in his pillow and tangled in his duvet, unmistakably crying his beautiful blue eyes out. His entire fragile body shook as he sobbed; gut wrenching, heart breaking sobs that were so unlike Vince that Howard was beside the bed in a second. Oh god. He looked absolutely distraught. His eyes were bloodshot and mixtures of various emotions were swimming around, eyeliner streaming. His normally porcelain, pale face was red and blotchy, and his lips had several cuts.

"Shh... Hey hey hey, what's wrong?" Howard asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He gently put his hand on Vince's back, but the smaller man shrieked, half into his pillow: "Leave me _ALONE_!"

Howard was shocked as he slowly sat beside Vince on the bed, gently prising the duvet away. He didn't know what else to do. Should he call for help? He kept his hand firmly on Vince's back, and used his other arm to pull his friend up and onto his lap. As soon as Vince was sat upright, he wrapped his arms around Howard as quickly and tightly as he could, hysterically bawling and screaming into Howard's chest

"Oh, Vince," Howard whispered, his own tears starting to fall as he held the small man to his chest like he was the most precious thing on earth.

"No!" Vince whimpered, but his little hands still clung to Howard's shirt like a vice. "_Stop it!"_

"It's okay, it's okay, you're safe now, it's okay," the tall man babbled like a mantra, feeling his chest becoming wet as Vince cried heavily into it, desperately clutching at whatever material he could reach.

Howard wondered what on earth could have possibly caused his friend this much pain. He kept rubbing Vince's back, and held him close when he screamed helplessly into Howard's frame.

"Oh my god..." Howard breathed, crying freely now. "Vince, seriously, what's wrong?"

Vince just shook his head and continued bawling, but visibly began to relax once Howard began his mantra again. He sat up a little and noticed his eyeliner smeared all over his friend's favourite pale pink Hawaiian shirt. His eyes filled up again and he let out a little sob. "I'm s-so sorry, H-Howard-"

"Shh... Hey now, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for, don't apologise."

The room was back to silence. All that could be heard was Vince's sniffling and slight whimpers. Those helpless, pained whimpers that ripped through Howard's heart like a knife.

The maverick cleared his throat and gently spoke. "Vince. What happened?"

"N-nothin'."

"I'm not a retard, Vince. Of course something happened, and I can't help you if you don't tell me."

Vince glared up at Howard, and this clearer view of his face showed bruises around his gorgeous cheekbones and jaw, plus more cuts scattered around. "Who s-says I need h-h-help?" he almost spat, the hurt evident on his face as he let out a shuddering breath and put his hand over his mouth.

"What happened to your face?"

Vince blinked and quickly hid his face in Howard's shirt again. "Nothin'."

"Sweetheart, _please_." The endearment just slipped out but before Howard could backtrack, Vince spoke softly, carding his fingers through his already messy hair.

"'M'sorry, I j-just... I can't tell you. I just can't."

"But why, Vince? Just tell me, I promise I won't judge you or anything."

"No, Howard. I _can't_." Vince looked up at Howard, his big blue eyes swimming with pain. He took a deep breath and looked back into his lap, voice cracking and body starting to tremble as he spoke:

"He said he'd kill me if I told anyone."


	2. Chapter 2

Howard froze. Had he just heard right?

"What? What are you talking about, Vince?"

The smaller man looked up at Howard with big, frightened eyes and said in a choked voice: "He said he'd kill me if I told anyone about what he did." His face crumpled. "I don't w-want to die, Howard."

"Hey, you're not going to die, no sir. Not while I'm around, sweetheart," Howard assured, quickly wincing at his endearment. "Sorry."

"No, s'okay," Vince gasped out, beginning to sob again. "I d-don't mind."

The tears were back.

Seeing Vince cry was so... Unnatural. His face was made for warm smiles and loud laughter, not tears and bruises. It was truly odd seeing him like this, and its rarity made the situation even more upsetting for Howard. He held his friend to his chest tighter as the small man's body racked with sobs. "Shh, I've got you. I've got you."

The sobs didn't seem to subside. God, this had hit Vince hard. "Little man, can you tell me what he did? Please. I need to know."

Vince shook his head. "H-he said-"

"He's not going to touch you," Howard said firmly. I promise. I swear on jazz. On Howlin' Jimmy Jefferson."

Vince took a deep, shuddering breath as he cried. "I-I was w-w-with my f-friends a-and -" he broke off, unable to speak due to his sobs.

"Shh, shh," Howard soothed, gently stroking Vince's back as he rocked him, "Just take your time, little man. Just let it all out."

Vince let out a gasped sigh before dissolving into more tears, wriggling out of Howard's arms and bending over as if he was going to be sick. And to be honest, from the force of his hysterical crying, Howard thought this was a possibility. Vince sobbed and sobbed, clutching at his raven hair, his bed, Howard's shirt, anything he could get his hands on.

After what seemed like hours but was in reality about five minutes, Vince stopped crying so much and began to talk, voice still horribly shaking.

"I was with my friends a-at a bar and I-I went outside to c-call Leroy a-and these blokes came o-over and -"

"Shit," Howard breathed, knowing full well where this was going. But why would a beating up warrant such a hysterical outburst from poor Vince? "What did they do?"

Vince's big blue eyes filled with more tears and he let his head fall forward onto Howard's shoulder, picking at the hem of his slightly ripped shirt. "I don't want to say," he whispered almost inaudibly.

"Did they hit you?" To Howard's horror - and sickeningly not to his surprise - Vince nodded slowly. "Okay, can you tell me a little more?" The tall man pleaded, unable to entirely keep the panic out of his voice.

"They dragged me into a-an alleyway and p-punched me and kicked me. They called me names and s-spat at me. C-called me q-queer and fag. They kept pu-pushing me into the w-wall. It hurt s-so much, Howard!"

"I know, little man, I know." Howard shut his eyes, praying for this nightmare to be over. Vince should be laughing and telling jokes, not bordering on a panic attack. "I'm so, so sorry Vince."

"Howard?"

"Yes?"

"Th-there's more."

Howard's heart stopped. "What? What did they do?"

Vince started shaking and a small sob escaped his mouth. He quickly brought up a hand to cover it. "Howard, you know what they did."

Oh god. "Did they... Touch you?"

When Vince responded with a harsh sob, Howard knew that his prediction was correct. "Oh my god, Vince-"

"He didn't r-rape me or nothin'. He j-just... I d-don't want t-to talk about it."

"You need to tell me what they did." Now Howard understood. The ripped clothes, the hysteria. "Please. You must."

"Can't you g-guess? Please d-don't make me s-s-say it."

"Vince-"

"He made me suck him off, alright?!" Vince yelled, pulling himself off Howard's lap. Before Howard could comprehend the situation, Vince lowered his head and whispered "He p-pulled my hair; I hated it. I didn't want to, Howard." God, he looked like a little kid. It broke Howard's heart into a million pieces.

"I know, Vince, I know. It's not your fault." The tall man was in shock. He saw Vince's shoulders start to shake, and grab his pillow. He buried his face in it and screamed, sobbing harder than ever before.

"Christ, Vince," Howard breathed, reaching for him, heart breaking when he flinched. "Vince, it's okay, you're safe with me. Nobody is going to hurt you while you're with me. I promise."

"He will!"

"Hey, look at me." Howard gently reached for his friend and softly touched his arm. "Please."

Vince slowly lifted his head and his bloodshot, puffy, yet still stunning big blue eyes met Howard's small brown ones. The tall man held open his arms and Vince fell into them, clutching onto his friend and sobbing into his already wet shirt.

"Shh... Vince, I am so, so, _so_ sorry. You don't deserve this."

'I-I do."

Howard froze. "What?"

I Vince sniffled and shifted in Howard's arms. "I do d-deserve it."

"Of course you don't!" The tall man felt like crying. Why on earth would Vince think such a thing?! "Why would you say something like that?"

The small man sighed sadly and looked up at Howard. "They s-said I did."

"Who? Not those blokes?"

A nod.

"Oh, _Vince_," Howard's eyes filled with tears as he looked at his friend's sad, broken face. "Don't listen to them. Listen to me. They don't know anything about you. I love y-"

"You don't get it, Howard!" Vince yelled, pulling away from the bed and crossing the room. "They called m-me all these names and they're true, they're _true_, Howard!"

"What did they call you?" Howard asked, almost relieved that Vince hadn't heard his almost slip-up.

Vince hugged his arms to his chest, drawing in on himself. "Slag. Whore." He took a deep breath. "Nothin' that ain't t-true, I guess."

"What's gotten into you?"

Vince sighed in despair. "Look at me, Howard. I go to bars. Remember that time I slept with that random g-girl just to feel s-something? I didn't even w-want to, it made me feel cheap."

Howard stared at his friend. "I didn't know that," he said quietly, blinking slowly.

"We'll I d-do, okay? So they're right. I am a w-whore." He spat the word out as if it were poison, his heartbroken face crumpling as his blue eyes filled with tears yet again.

"Hey," Howard breathed, standing up and reaching for Vince, heart melting when the small man practically ran into his arms and clung on.

"You're okay, little man. Don't listen to those wankers, okay?"

"But they-"

"They're nothing, okay? I know the real you and I know that they're wrong. You're a wonderful person and you shouldn't listen to them."

"Really?"

"Of course. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or upset you again, alright? I can't stand seeing you like this. You're the sunshine kid!"

Vince nodded sadly, stifling a yawn.

"You must be exhausted," Howard cooed, gently sitting down with his friend still in his arms. "Do you want to go to sleep?"

Vince nodded, slowly and reluctantly shuffling out of Howard's arms. He pulled off his ripped shirt and jeans to reveal multiple bruises covering his torso and the tops of his thighs.

"Vince..."

"Can we please just talk about it tomorrow?" Vince pleaded, avoiding his friend's gaze and pulling on a pair of glittery pyjama bottoms.

"Sure."

Vince was too tired to take his makeup off or brush his teeth; he just collapsed into bed and made grabby hands for Howard. "Will you sleep here tonight?"

Howard smiled tearfully as he climbed in next to Vince, wrapping the thick duvet around them both.

"Of course, little man." He gently wrapped his strong arms around Vince's small torso, smiling harder when he felt his friend burrow into him.

"Howard?" Vince asked, pulling away a little so he could look at Howard's face.

"Yeah?"

"I heard you before."

"Hmm?

"I said, I heard what you said before. Well, almost said."

Howard frowned. "What d'you-"

Howard was cut off by a pair of soft lips against his. It was a chaste, hurried kiss, and by the time Howard could relax into it, Vince pulled away, tears filling his eyes. "I love you too," he murmured sleepily, before drifting away to dreamland.


	3. Chapter 3

"Vince."

A whimper.

"Vince, wake up."

"No," Vince moaned in his sleep, turning over again.

Howard sighed. He'd been woken up by Vince's tossing and turning about half an hour ago, and had been trying to wake the man after he began sobbing and whimpering in his sleep, face contorted into an expression of pain.

The Northerner had heard the most horrible phrases slip out of Vince's mouth as he frantically tossed.

_'Stop it.'_

_'Get off me.'_

_'Please don't.'_

He looked so helpless Howard started silently crying himself, trying to no avail to wake his friend up from this horrible nightmare.

"Vince, _wake up_," he said loudly, firmly nudging the small man's shoulder.

Suddenly Vince sat bolt upright, gasping and shaking and crying, eyes wide with fear.

Before he could say a word, Howard had him safely in his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as they both cried, Vince borderline hysterically.

"H-Ho-_Howard_!" he wailed, pulling away slightly to beat his fists again his friend's broad torso, face red and scared.

"Hey hey hey, shhh now," Howard soothed, gently taking hold of Vince's wrists and kissing his knuckles gently. "It's okay, you're safe, I've got you."

"_No_!" Vince shrieked, eyes darkening, "H-he's gonna g-get me-"

"Sweetheart, I _promise_ he isn't."

"He w-will, H-Howard!" Vince yelled, unable to calm down. He was crying so loudly that neither of them heard the door open and Naboo come in.

The shaman frowned. "What's happened?"

"Nothing, we're fine," Howard snapped, hugging Vince closer to him as the small man screamed into his chest.

"Well _he's_ obviously not, you ballbag," Naboo spat, cautiously edging towards the bed. He reached out to touch Vince but the goth filched harshly away from the shaman's small hands, burying his body further into Howard's, if that was even possible.

"N-no!" he cried, causing Naboo to hold up his hands in defeat.

"Alright, alright," he surrendered, "I'll leave you to it."

As Vince cried, Naboo shot Howard a look that said _'this is bad, see me when he goes back to sleep_._' _The Northerner nodded as the door closed.

He held Vince for a while longer, gently shushing and rocking him until the hysteria calmed down slightly.

"Vince," he whispered, "what happened?"

Vince sniffled, shaking his head. "I d-don't want t-to talk about i-it," he whimpered into his friend's chest.

Howard looked down at Vince for a moment before sighing, deciding not to press any further. "I'm right here, okay?"

Vince pulled away and nodded, avoiding eye contact as he lay back down in bed, eyes fluttering shut almost instantly. God, he looked exhausted.

Howard held him until he heard level, heavy breathing. Gently letting go of Vince, he slipped out of bed and out of his room.

Naboo hadn't gone back to bed; he was looking through some book when Howard entered without knocking.

"Are you okay?" the shaman inquired, noting Howard's red eyes.

"Not really," he murmured, sitting down on Naboo's bed. "Why is he acting like this?"

Naboo didn't answer, so Howard peered over to see what he was reading.

"Do you think there's a demon inside him?" he asked incredulously, widening his eyes at the book.

Naboo shrugged. "I don't think so, but I can't think of anything else." He paused. "What actually happened?"

Howard sighed, trying to think of a tactful way to tell him.

"He got beat up and... Sexually assaulted."

"Oh." Naboo's eyes widened. He paused again, clearly trying to assess the situation in his head.

"Howard, do you know anything about Vince's childhood?"

"Um, a little. Just that he was raised by Bryan Ferry, but that's about it."

"Hmm. Maybe something bad happened to him a while ago."

"What, like when he was younger?"

Naboo nodded. "Not really young, mind."

Howard thought about it, then shook his head. "No. I've known Vince since school. Nothing bad ever happened to him. He was the sunshine kid."

"Okay, well what about before you two met?"

"We met when we were eight."

"I know, but do you know anything about before that age?"

Howard thought. He knew Vince had been raised by Bryan from the age of eight. But he actually knew nothing about his earlier childhood. His eyes filled with tears as he realised.

"You think Vince was _abused_ as a child?"

Naboo looked a little sad. "I don't know. That's quite likely, given his hysteria."

Howard opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a scream from Vince's room. He jumped from the bed and bolted into his room. His eyes met Vince sitting up in bed, knees pulled up to his chin and his duvet kicked onto the floor. He was sobbing hysterically into his hands. Christ.

"Hey little man, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here, shhh. I've got you." Howard gathered Vince into his arms and gently rocked him, stroking his hair and whimpering into his ear.

"I-I-I-" Vince started to say before dissolving into more tears.

"_Shhh now_," Howard breathed, softly kissing his friend's messy hair and letting his own tears fall. This was going to be a long night.

"Vince," he said after a while, "I need to ask you a question." He felt the man tense but no verbal protest came so he continued.

"Did... Did something bad happen to you when you were younger?"

No response.

"Vince, _please_," Howard coaxed, ever so gently pulling away so he could see Vince's face. He was looking down. Howard carefully put two fingers under his friend's strong jawline and lifted his chin to look him in the eyes. Oh my god, he looked absolutely dreadful. His eyes were filled with tears, smudged eyeliner barely concealing the bruise that was forming. His lip trembled as he cried; trying to avoid eye contact but Howard wouldn't let him.

"Vince, sweetheart," he whispered, face close to the small, delicate man's. "I _need_ to know. Did something bad happen to you when you were little?"

Vince gave a shuddering gasp before squeezing his eyes shut, tears forcing their way out. He opened his mouth and Howard felt physically sick at the answer than tumbled from Vince's raw lips.

"Y-yes."


	4. Chapter 4

Howard didn't know what to say. He felt sick.

"My parents didn't really like me much when I was younger," Vince explained tearfully. "Or my sister. We-"

"You have a sister?" Howard interrupted incredulously.

"We liked expressing ourselves through art and fashion and stuff but they'd always make fun of us and called us mean names," Vince continued, avoiding the question about his sister. "They never really hit me until I was about four, but it was always horrible until then. They'd neglect and ignore me, really. Like, if I was hungry they'd just ignore it and go out. But my sister would try her best, bless her heart. She wasn't even t-ten years old but they _always_ hit her and," his voice cracked, "and she... They j-just..." he became visibly flustered, eyes brimming with more tears, dangerously close to breaking down.

"Vince, shh. It's okay, it's okay." Howard paused, before softly speaking again, gently pulling Vince in for a hug. "I didn't know you have a sister."

"I _had_ a sister," Vince corrected in a sombre voice, eyes glazing over. "Marcy Noir. She was 6 years older than me."

Howard wanted to ask why Vince was talking in past tense but was stopped by the most horrifying revelation.

"She was killed when I was five."

There was a moment's silence, in which Vince's tears began to fall and Howard raised a hand to his mouth.

"Oh, Vince," he breathed, pulling away slightly and taking in his friend's stoic expression and glassy blue eyes.

"She was so pretty, I remember," Vince mumbled, no emotion in his voice. "She had blonde hair and blue eyes like m-mine. My parents liked her until they h-had me, but when she stuck up for me they started hitting her more, like _proper_ hitting, and calling her awful names."

"Oh, little man, I am so, so-"

"My mum said she wished Marcy'd never been born one day and that did it. She r-ran away. She was oh-only eleven and a week later I found out this bloke had found her a-and she... she..."

He trailed off, a sob caught in his throat. Howard gently cupped Vince's cheek and pulled him a little closer, his own tears starting to fall as Vince buried his face in his friend's chest and let out a heart-wrenching cry.

"Oh, Vince, _Vince_," Howard soothed, hugging the small man tightly to him, rubbing his back. "I had no idea, I'm so unbelievably sorry."

"Why?" Vince sobbed, clutching painfully at Howard's arm. "I-I loved her s-so much, so _fucking_ much! She did e-everything for me! Why d-did my parents h-hate her so much?"

"I don't know, little man."

Vince paused his wails for a moment as he took in a gasping breath before dissolving into more tears, screaming and sobbing into Howard's chest.

"Shh, shhh, it's okay, I've got you," Howard breathed. He knew deep down inside that Vince needed to tell him more but the thought of delving further into this horrible past made the maverick feel a bit queasy.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

After around about half an hour, Vince's sobs and screams subsided, and he was reduced to whimpering and sniffing sadly, still gripping onto Howard.

"I'm s-sorry," he gasped out, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"For what?" Howard whispered incredulously, tightening his grip on Vince.

"F-for getting y-you involved. I'm s-so pathetic."

Howard blinked. "Sweetheart, you're _not_ pathetic. You had a horrible childhood and obviously something that happened tonight brought back a few bad memories. It's okay."

Vince nodded sadly, pulling away from Howard to sit against the headboard, fiddling with the corner of his duvet.

"Vince?"

No response.

"Vince," Howard tried again. "Vince, do you think you could tell me what happened tonight that brought back a bad memory?"

Vince stared into space for a moment.

"I wonder what she'd be d-doing now."

"What?"

Vince gave a small smile, still avoiding eye contact. "Probably f-fashion. S-she was genius at fashion. She'd always m-make me these cool hats and s-stuff." His eyes welled up again. "I miss her."

Howard softened and took hold of Vince's fidgety hand. "I know you do, little man."

They sat in silence for a little while, before Vince finally locked eyes with Howard and spoke.

"It was that m-man tonight. The one I su..." he trailed off, gagging a little, eyes squeezing shut.

"Shh, it's okay, I know," Howard soothed, silently wishing for Vince to continue.

The small man took a deep breath. "When he saw me a-and said... He s-said... He r-recognised m-me."

"I've got you," Howard breathed gently, noting Vince's obvious distress. He tried to keep the panic out of his voice.

"He said _"I know you, you little ponce. I'd know my Marcy Noir's brother anywhere."_ "

* * *

**A/N: I don't know how happy I am with this chapter. I had an idea but writing it down was super hard so I apologise for any shittyness.**


	5. Chapter 5

Howard yawned as he slowly stirred a cup of tea, staring into space. It had been a long night.

Vince had only just fallen asleep. He'd spent most of the night crying, and had eventually cried himself to sleep after hours and hours of hysterical screaming and sobbing.

Howard didn't know he was crying until he felt a few hot tears drip onto his hand. He sniffed them back, trying desperately to forget about what his friend had told him, just for a second, but Vince's heartbreaking words were crystal clear in his mind.

* * *

"I don't know what the bloke's name is, but he told me everything. He said he had found Marcy sitting in a tube station near Camden, looking scared. He said he'd asked her what was wrong and when she told him, he invited her back to his flat." Vince had shuddered then. "I don't want to say exactly what he did, but basically he… raped her and killed her. He said she deserved it but she _didn't_, Howard! She never hurt no-one, I promise. They said that any brother of hers deserves it too and he... I..." Vince had completely broken down then, beating his fists against Howard's frame and screaming.

"I want her back! I want Marcy!"

Howard had firmly held his hysterical friend, trying desperately to calm him down.

"Shh, shhhh, I know you do, I _know_. I'm so, so sorry. Shh now."

xxxx

Howard was pulled from his thoughts by a soft, lisping voice behind him.

"Rough night?"

Howard nodded sadly as he turned to see Naboo looking at him almost sympathetically. "You have no idea."

Naboo nodded slowly, gesturing for Howard to sit down on the sofa. As he sat, the shaman noticed how tired he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin eerily pale. "What happened?"

Howard just shook his head. "I can't tell you. It's not my place. But it's really affected him psychologically; he's not acting like himself at all." He paused, heart beating steadily. "I'm worried about him, Naboo."

"I know. I am too. I could hear him screaming."

"Can't you do anything? Don't you have a spell or a potion? To make him forget it?" Howard looked at Naboo hopefully, suddenly wondering if this nightmare could be over soon.

Naboo shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but I can't affect mental issues. I can heal physical scars but emotion ones are much more difficult."

Howard closed his teary eyes, feeling useless. He didn't know what to do. He could feel himself drifting into sleep, but didn't have any energy left to stop it. He'd been awake all night, and couldn't physically stay awake any longer. He sighed, and couldn't help but think of a certain raven-haired electro prince as his eyes fluttered closed and he fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

Several hours later, Howard was woken by the feel of someone touching him. He felt arms circle their way around his torso, and he immediately said "Don't touch me!" on instinct as he flinched himself awake.

"Oh. Sorry," a meek little voice mumbled quietly, and Howard felt like a monster as he realised Vince was the one hugging him. Still. He hadn't pulled away yet, as if he didn't want to despite Howard's snapping.

"No, don't worry," Howard said reassuringly as he settled back into the sofa, resuming his lying position. "Sorry. Habit."

Vince nodded slowly, turning over in Howard's arms so that his back was pressed against Howard's frame, pulling the tall man's arms over him like a blanket.

The two just lay in their spooning position for a while, Howard drawing lazy circles on Vince's knuckles with his thumb as he laced their fingers together, gently pressing a small kiss to the back of his friend's hair, breathing in the familiar scent. Fruity shampoo. It was comforting.

He knew Vince, and when Vince got upset – although it rarely happened - he either needed cheering up via jokes or comfort and cuddles. The two were such good friends they hadn't even thought about how cuddles might be weird, and now was no different. Vince wasn't just upset, he was heartbroken.

"I couldn't sleep," Vince whispered after a while, "I needed you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, little man," Howard soothed gently, wrapping his arms a bit tighter around Vince. "You know I'm always here, right?"

He felt the small man nod slowly. "I know."

"And you know you're allowed to be upset, right?"

Vince let out a soft whimper. "It's stupid."

"It's not."

"It _is_. It was nearly twenty years ago, Howard, why do I still miss her?"

Howard sighed softly, scrunching up his nose as Vince's soft hair tickled his face. "She's your sister, Vince. No-one should have to lose a sibling; it's not something you ever get over. I can't possibly understand how you feel because I don't have a sister, but I know it must hurt terribly. Don't be afraid to tell me how you're feeling."

Vince said nothing for a few minutes, before "She would've liked you."

Howard couldn't help but smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. She hated this teacher I had in Reception cos when she had him he said she was too chatty but he was always really nice to me. I told her that he was nice and always read my stories to the class and made sure I was okay when he saw a bruise my dad gave me and she loved him after that. She liked anyone who made me happy." A pause. "You make me happy, you know?"

"I do."

"No." Vince shook his head and turned over in Howard's arms so that their noses were barely a centimetre apart. The Northerner could feel his heart beating steadily faster. "You don't know. Cos I'm such a twat to you. I make fun of you and stuff but you know when you were little and when you liked someone you'd tease them silly?"

Howard could feel Vince's blue eyes boring into his brown ones, and nodded slowly, transfixed.

"I was trying to do that. Cos I really like you. But I guess I was a bit too mean. That's my dad's fault. He always said I was a bad person so I just assumed I was. I still am."

Howard blinked slowly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Vince. You aren't a bad person. You're the kindest person I know. Maybe not always to me, but to others. You have a good heart. Remember that time at the zoo when that little girl was crying and you made sure she was alright and went and found her parents?"

The small man nodded, starting to avoid Howard's gaze. "Yeah but that's different."

"Vince, you're not-"

"It's different because I don't _love_ that little girl!" Vince suddenly shouted, shocking Howard into silence.

Vince _loved_ him?

Before he could collect his thoughts, Vince was wriggling out of Howard's touch and sitting upright, tears stinging his eyes. "I told you before," he mumbled sadly.

"I thought you were... I didn't think you meant it like that." Howard felt sick as he joined Vince in a sitting position, gently taking hold of his hand.

"What did you think I meant? I _kissed_ you."

"I don't know, I wasn't... I didn't..." Howard trailed off, feeling like an idiot. He briefly thought about just shutting up forever but before he could do a single thing or collect a single other thought, Vince had stood up and pushed Howard further back onto the sofa. He gently straddled his lap, pressing their bodies together.

He placed a small kiss to Howard's cheek before looking deep into his dark brown eyes and whispering, with such sincerity Howard thought about fainting, "_I love you_."

Vince trailed his hands up Howard's body and into his hair, tangling his fingers into the fine curls and pressing their noses together.

"I really, _really_ love you. I always have," he whispered before leaving forward slightly and pressing his lips to Howard's, eyes softly closing and head tilting to the side.

Howard inhaled sharply as he realised what was happening, and it took him a while to register it before his eyes fluttered closed and he moved his own lips against Vince's soft, tear-stained ones.

Vince kissed slowly, removing one hand from Howard's soft hair and wrapping his arm around the Northerner's neck. Howard wrapped his own arms around Vince's waist, stroking lazy circles on the small of his back. He feel like he can't get his hands close enough as he lost himself in the kiss.

Vince opened his mouth a bit more as he kissed, licking along Howard's lips to prise them open. Howard obliged, their tongues mingling together and drawing a soft sigh from the younger man.

They remained there for what could have been hours but was in reality only a few minutes until they broke apart, breathless. Vince leaned down and rested his forehead against Howard's, breathing heavily and smiling.

"I love you."

"You mentioned," Howard grinned, pressing a small kiss to Vince's swollen lips.

"I love you I love you I _love you_." Vince was dizzy with happiness, the Marcy situation completely at the back of his mind. Howard noticed his bliss and smiled warmly at him, but a feeling in the back of _his_ mind knew that this euphoria wouldn't last.


End file.
